Hey, fuckers. Well, this is a tragedy. Due to lack of participation, i'm pulling the plug on the Xanga Swimsuit Calendar. Yes, the sky over Xanga is indeed dark today. To the 8 of you who sent in your pictures, thank you. To those of you who did not: go fuck your mother, and I hope you get crabs.
Not just normal crabs either; a bizarre new breed of mutant crab that transforms into a giant genital destroying lobster. And then, after it's done destroying your genitals, it breaks apart and turns into a million baby spiders, which all crawl into your ear and nose holes, and lay millions of additional baby spiders inside of you.
Then I hope you get REALLY bad chapped lips, and aggressive diarrhea, which ultimately leads to you shitting yourself multiple times throughout the day. And I hope that at least one of those times will be while you're driving.
I hope this leads to a car accident. A car accident which leaves you uninjured, but mortified when the paramedics arrive and discover that you are covered in your own shit. I hope that WAYYYYYYYY too many paramedics are deployed to the scene and they ALL join together to mock you. I hope that the lead paramedic is your childhood crush. The one you were too shy to speak to, but who will now remember you always as the gross fucker who shat herself.
Finally, I hope an award winning photographer arrives on the scene to capture a brilliantly creative picture of your face, at the self loathing moment when you realize, "Hey, this could have all been avoided if only I would have participated in the swimsuit contest"
Well, I guess that just about covers it. Good day, fuckers!
