I realized today, as we all inevitably do at some point in our lives, that I did not own a pair of giant slippers shaped like the head of a tiger. I know! It's shameful! Faced with this grim reality, I threw on some safari attire and ventured out into the world in search of the aforementioned footwear.
I searched high and low, and far and wide. Fields, caves, gutters, and dirty back alleys. What did I find? Nothing. Well, technically that's not true; I DID find a homeless man named "Itchy Gus" who offered to blow me in exchange for a bottle of Boone's Farm, but no giant slippers shaped like the head of a tiger.
Finally, just as I was about to give up all hope, I heard a faint growling in the bushes. But...but it COULDN'T be...could it??? Fuck yeah it could! There in the bushes was a pair of wild, giant slippers shaped like the head of a tiger!!!! And, Itchy Gus was there as well doing something I would prefer not to discuss, BUT, as I mentioned these were there!!!!
Yeah. Yeah I know you want them. They are warm, and fuzzy, and larger than a fucking watermelon! What's not to want here! I am particularly fond of his face. His expression seems to say, "Yeahhhh, imma fuzzy tiger head, bitch. Come and get some". Classy!
Now here's a picture of me AND the tiger slipper making the EXACT same face!!! Yeahhhh, i'm an asshole with a tiger head slipper, bitch. Come and get some!
Classy!!!
